- Both dogs and baby slept through the night for 3 nights in a row. Uninterrupted sleep. This sort of thing only happens when the sun passes through the shadow of the moon at the same time that Mercury is in retrograde, Neptune aligns with Pluto in Sagittarius, and when the dish runs away with the spoon. It is rare. Usually all the dogs and babies in our house seem to think that 3:00am is a good time to regurgitate breast milk or two days worth of grass and women’s underwear. But for those 3 nights no one woke up to puke!
- Then last night happened.
- Picture this: Carl, Della, our dog Coya, and me in one big pile, half asleep on the floor in Della’s room. All sharing one tiny baby blanket. While Bixby, our other 90 lb dog, was very comfortably stretched out in our king sized bed. No one would sleep (side eye to the baby) unless we were all sleeping in uncomfortable positions on the bony floor. Except for Bixby, who is way smarter than any of us.
- My husband has this toe fungus. He is not going to be happy with me for sharing this, but that is his punishment for spraying his toe-fungus-remover-foam on his feet and then not cleaning up after it. I now have two fungus-foam outlines of size 11 feet on my bathroom floor. We just need his autograph and some dirty handprints and it will be our own little germy version of the Hollywood Walk of Fame.
- I’ve lost the ability to fake cry. Sometimes when Carl and I are having a disagreement, I’d throw in a fake cry here and there to give emphasis to my point. Shameful, I know. But unless you have a better way to quickly justify three much needed pairs of new boots and one wine tasting outing before noon, then feigning distress is a crucial debating tool. However, since getting pregnant my faux tears have dried-up completely. In fact, I lost the ability to fight altogether. Anytime I try to argue with Carl I can’t help but smile, and then eventually I start laughing hysterically. My credibility is shot. Carl thinks I’m actually a happy person now. This is not good.
